I’ve got a new philosophy on life and coaching and it has made all the difference on a cellular level.
I stopped trying to smash the patriarchy because it lives inside of me. When I want to obliterate the patriarchy from the face of the Earth and, trust me, some days that’s exactly what I want to do, I battle the patriarchy with every weapon at my disposal. I write, teach, purge, analyze, argue, cry, attack, scour every corner of the world for the patriarchy, and I exhaust myself. That’s when the patriarchy wins…again.
Instead of smashing and fighting against the patriarchy, I disrupt it. Sounds the same, right? It’s not.
Patriarchy is a system of power that upholds male authority in structures like government, church, education, finance, family, media, and medicine. It teaches that “authority” is male and masculine. By default, the inverse becomes true too. Females and femininities in any form are expected to submit to that male authority. Maybe you’re wondering if I’m living in 1920. Nope. Just look around you. Look with intention and you’ll see the persistence of patriarchy. You’ll also notice that folks along the gender spectrum uphold it just like folks all along the gender spectrum dismantle it too. That’s why this conversation is not about anyone human who identifies as male (although I’d love to analyze Putin with you one Friday).
This isn’t about your father, brother, spouse, son, nephew, or neighbor. It’s about all of us. It’s about every single human living on this planet who inhales the patriarchy like air.
The patriarchy lives inside us and informs our decisions. It creates limitations based on our gender identity instead of celebrating our individual skills and talents. It categorizes us and narrows our options. It tells us how to walk and talk. It dictates our “punishment” for stepping out of line. It normalizes the gender rules so that we don’t even know to question them. That’s how it becomes personal. For many of us, including myself, the patriarchy was our first and most influential intimate relationship. My learning started early and that’s why it’s so embedded in my life. It’s present in my nervous system and subconscious.
Today, patriarchy is my greatest teacher because each time I encounter it, I know that my healing is right around the corner.
I don’t want to smash and fight against the patriarchy that lives inside of me because I don’t want to resist my liberation. I want to disrupt it.
Disrupting looks like asking questions about whether the belief serves me. I ask if it’s an old belief. If so, it was probably shaped by the patriarchy.
I ask about the tone of the message that’s informing my decisions. If it’s mean or rigid, then it’s my inner critic whispering the patriarchy’s marching orders in my ear.
Disrupting is an act of self-kindness because it comes from a desire to reclaim lovingly my desires and life choices. Smashing is about warfare. Disrupting desires inner peace. Smashing tires me out. Disrupting encourages me to practice self-care including rest.
Smashing is loud. Disrupting is quiet. Smashing mirrors the rigidity of the patriarchy. Disrupting cultivates flexibility and innovation.
In case you’re wondering: the patriarchy is toxic for all humans and disrupting it liberates all humans.
You want this shift in your life. I want even MORE of this shift. That’s why I invested in myself through a new intensive year-long coaching mastermind. “Coaches go first” and I am on a daily path to radical disruptive healing. Join me.
I work with 1:1 clients to disrupt the patriarchy so that they can experience the ultimate happiness, freedom, pleasure, and growth that they desire. They disrupt imposter syndrome. They grow their businesses. They create healthy boundaries. They speak up at meetings. They take beautiful, courageous risks that pay off. They sleep through the night. They believe in themselves. They heal old wounds.
Email and we’ll set up a time to talk about exactly how disrupting the patriarchy will liberate your life.