I blurted out those words during my Monday morning mastermind session a couple of weeks ago. As a group of trailblazing coaches (if I do say so myself!), we were deep in discussion about our goals, motivations, and the barriers holding us back as we planned for 2024.
Reflecting on those moments when my mind is crystal clear about the choices I want to make, yet my body and nervous system seem to slam on the brakes, I found myself yearning for a shame sponsor – someone who would be there in those moments of choosing.
Research shows that shame is one of the most powerful emotions that can hinder progress. For me, it’s a suffocating feeling, like being under a heavy, warm blanket, accompanied by the recurring thought that bad things are inevitable or that I’ll never achieve my desires.
I can trace this feeling back to my childhood—my father’s tragic death in a robbery making private grief a public spectacle coupled with rigid religious teachings about eternal damnation instilled in me the belief that bad things are destined to happen. I had the receipts to prove it.
At this point in my life, this feeling and thought pattern have become signals for me to take the steps I want to avoid. Courage, after all, is acting before you feel confident. Shame has become a nuanced signal of my past, growth, confidence, and future goals.
Shame can stem from various sources, including unrealistic societal expectations, tragedies that happen in our lives, and framing “failures” as bad. It has the potential to hold us back, cloud our judgment, and erode our confidence. We all experience it.
Shame has become my companion, showing me just how strong I am every single day when I choose courage and love over shame and fear. Even in moments of shame paralysis, I recognize my areas for expansion and sometimes feel excited that change is underway. Yet, some days are still challenging.
Enter my hypothetical shame sponsor
I even wrote her job description:
Active Listener: She listens to the depth of my fear without dismissing me.
Empathetic Supporter: She reassures me that it’s okay to feel the way I do and reminds me that I’m human, not broken.
Ally: She sees my power, believes in my goals, and helps me strategize to overcome obstacles and raise my standards.
Truth Teller: She’s as serious and funny as me.
Trailblazer: She knows because she’s done it in her life.
In gaining clarity about how I can be my own shame sponsor, I was reminded of something I always say – we up-level more efficiently and effectively when we have support.
My community comprising my coach (yes, I’m still searching for my next one), mastermind group, coaching partners, friends, and loved ones reflects who I am. They are my Executive Trailblazer Committee.
And, I am on this planet to be part of the ETC for other women leaders.
I lead the way, and I don’t have to go it alone. Neither do you!