In life, we all decide what feels risky and what feels safe, what’s certain and what’s uncertain. For me, rollercoasters, skydiving, and trust falls are out because I try to avoid specific types of uncertainty. Yet, I regularly engage in activities like public speaking, flying, and solo travel. This shows me that everyone’s threshold for risk is unique.
I’ve come to realize that 100% certainty isn’t possible in life. It’s taken me decades to truly understand it. I used to intellectually know it, but now I’m curious about what’s on the other side of fear. I’m learning to embrace the unknowns, or at least tolerate the feelings and thoughts that arise around uncertainty. Safety is a core value for me and stepping into uncertainty can feel like activating a safety alarm, much like the Caterwhauling Alarm in Harry Potter.
The thing is that my preference for the certainty of small over the uncertainty of possibility has dominated my decision-making for a very long time. This preference led to self-doubt, stress, controlling behavior, and frantic overworking. Now that I know better, I’m practicing doing better.
Trading the predictable small for uncertain expansion is my new goal. I’ve realized there’s a pseudo benefit to my fear—it offers a sense of security in the known, even if it holds me back from being my vibrant self. I’m no longer afraid of the unknown, so why resist it?
I’ve developed a process called FIB (Fear, Illusion of fear, Benefit of the fear) to help me work through resistance to my goals. I’ve got this. You do too.
I invite you to try it:
- Fear (F): What does it feel like? How would you describe it? Write your example.
- Illusion of fear (I): What do you think will happen? How does fear drive you? Write your example.
- Benefit of the fear (B): What deep, soul-based comfort does fear bring? How much do you value this comfort over the uncertain possibility? Write your example.
Let’s seek what’s on the other side of fear together instead of running from it alone. Click the button below and sign up for a self-confidence strategy session today. Together, we’ll compassionately look at what’s getting in the way and help you create a confidence plan.