ell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
— Mary Oliver, The Summer Day
I have a slew of kids. Well, actually three, but as an only child, my family of five felt like a slew at times. It’s been a love-fueled, quirky, messy, challenging, funny, self-awareness building adventure.
Recently, I’ve been inspired by my two oldest kids who are making profoundly life-changing decisions. They claim to their path in the world, even when others don’t quite get it. That’s part of living big—being vibrantly yourself daily, choosing it intentionally and repeatedly, while allowing room for shifts.
I desire a big life, and so do my clients. It looks different for each of us and can’t be compared to anyone else’s. (Read that again.) My big life springs from my passion, purpose, skillset, and dreams. It includes feeling calm, loving & loved, prosperity, inspiration, adventure, and bigger than life impact for gender equity in the world.
That all seems positive, doesn’t it? Why is it that clients (and I!) often feel defeated after working so hard, playing by the rules, and doing everything “right?” What’s standing in the way of their big life?
Extensive research on systemic bias, mindset, and nervous system regulation uncovers root causes of stagnation and provides strategies for personal growth, authenticity, and courage in living your big life. One of the most common challenges I observe in my own life and in the lives of my clients is the setback spiral. it already sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Here’s what it looks like:
- Replaying mistakes: This extends the impact. It’s healthy to consider what we’d do differently, but ruminating on mistakes can create a pervasive, larger-than-life narrative.
- Allowing shame to drive our actions: Shame can cause paralysis, overwhelm, and a desire to act only when there’s a 100% success guarantee, which doesn’t exist.
- Assuming the worst: The setback spiral holds us back from seizing opportunities because we want to avoid negative emotions and any further evidence of potential failure.
Claim your BIG life. The setback spiral has threaded through my life since childhood, weaving a narrative that taught me to seek out negative evidence, avoid risks, and internalize all sorts of issues (many of which were not mine) as personal shortcomings. This mindset lived in my subconscious, leading me to find the lack and threats that I sought.
My journey as a trailblazer has been an internal one because living big is an inside job. Building confidence, fostering courage, and halting the setback spiral are all about internal transformation that yields external results. I know that it feels scary. I also know that it is the path to your freedom. That’s why I love to coach women through their own journeys – I know what’s possible!