My coach recently asked me, “How happy are you willing to let yourself be?” This question opened my eyes. I had to first identify what truly makes me happy and then realize how often I withhold those things from myself. Finally, I wondered what it would look like to say no to the “good” and “fine” to make way for what is truly happy and vibrant.
It’s a big ask. We live within systems and cultures—family norms, religious beliefs, societal expectations—that shape our identity, whether self-imposed or externally crafted. Dr. Benjamin Hardy calls them “false requirements” and they are roles and rules weren’t created by us or for us, yet we carry them.
False assumptions often manifest in gendered expectations. (Hello, patriarchy.) They look like the actions we’ve been taking for years that we loved at first but that no longer feed our soul. For instance, the expectation of self-sacrifice (which is not the same as nurturing!), putting others’ needs before their own, even when it drains them. Or the belief that success must come through relentless hustle and sacrifice, leaving no room for self-care. These assumptions keep us confined to roles that don’t truly align with our passions or well-being, AND they keep us from pursuing the big dreams that could become our reality.
I’m issuing a call to action for both of us. Let’s identify and discard these false assumptions and requirements that keep us stuck, small, and quiet. It takes time and we can begin now.
Our Trailblazer community is full of learners and growers. This is a growth moment, not a self-blame exercise. It’s a go slow movement, not a rush job. We’ve all operated under old systems all our lives. That’s ok. Now, we can create something new and eventually outgrow that too. That’s a profound part of this life—there’s always something new to create and uncover. Oh, and don’t be surprised when people express discomfort with the changes you are making. That’s ok too. They are also working with false assumptions.
Check out the video below for my story about creating a cut/keep list and how my own limitations put me in overwhelm mode for a couple of weeks.
Remember, what got you “here” won’t get you “there.” That’s why we need a community of support. I have one spot available for individual coaching. If you’re ready to up-level in your professional or personal life and create your own confidence plan (including your own cut/keep list), reply to this email and we’ll chat. Alternatively, sign up for a call with me using this link.